Let me start out by saying that I realize I haven't posted in over a year. And I also realize that I only had one post to begin with. That kind of makes me want to bury my head in the sand, but instead I'll just promise that I'll be more diligent in my post-writing. Since the last time, we've added a new addition to our crew. He's 4 months old now, and his name is Sawyer. Julia is 4 (5 in January...YIKES!) and Brynn is now 2.5 years old. Our family is growing in size, as well as growing up. And that's all of us, not just the kids!
I decided to start up this whole blog thing because of my friend Miranda, who is the genius behind Not Super...Just Mom. I will not pretend that my blog will be half as interesting as hers; in fact, I can guarantee that it might be pretty dull in comparison. However, I realized today in talking with her that if I've got anything at all, I've got stories about my kids. And these stories need to be documented...maybe not for lots of people to read, but so that I'll have them in the future. I mean, just tonight I looked at my one (for shame, Jennifer!) post from over a year ago and was so happy to read it. I remember that day! My kids were tiny, and fewer in number! I forgot about that video of Julia reading! And, yes, I got a little weepy.
It's been nearly five years since I became a mom, and reading a post of Miranda's the other day, it dawned on me that I have had almost no "me time" since then. It's not because I couldn't have it...I definitely could, as I have an extremely supportive husband. But I'm just that sort of obsessive parent who hates to leave her kids, even if it's for the benefit of my sanity. And writing that down makes me realize what a stupid thing that is. Miranda offered up a coffee meeting, and I jumped on the offer.
Today we met at a Starbucks. It was me, Miranda, and my nursling son. No, not total mommy-alone time, but with only 1/3 of my normal distractions. Brandon was keeping the girls--Brynn was (supposed to be) napping, Julia was playing Legos-- and Sawyer thankfully fell asleep on the drive. I was thanking the Heavens that I *might* just get a peaceful meeting, but before I even got there I realized it might not be. Let's all keep in mind that it's rare that I have much adult interaction, especially away from my kids. I kind of started feeling like I was going on a first date...Would I say something stupid? Do I look okay? Will she like me? Guys, you also have to realize that I've known her for a long time. Like over ten years. Safe to assume she thinks I'm okay. But I am so out of practice, and I was shaking without even having the caffeine yet.
Coffee and cake ordered, we sat down to talk. I kind of felt like I was missing an appendage without the girls climbing all over me and with Sawyer napping peacefully. We talked about, what else, our kids. I started feeling a tiny bit embarrassed because I realized that this is pretty much all I know. I don't have a job. My brain doesn't function like it used to. I'm sort of boring like that. But she gets it.
Sawyer woke up and decided to be his cute self and drool all over the place. He cooed and gooed on me, and he cooed and gooed on her. After an hour and a half (gasp! Where did that time go??), I took him to the bathroom to change his diaper. Okay, Starbucks. Big fail on your part--there's no changing table. There was a little table I can only assume housed cleaning products or tampons or something. And Sawyer was pissed that I had the audacity to change him on that tiny thing. I dropped his cloth diaper on the floor, then realized I had no wet bag for it, so I just stuffed it in the diaper bag in a plastic bag and hoped for the best. Then I looked in the mirror and realized that I had completely sweated through my shirt. I had no time to be embarrassed...okay, I was a little bit embarrassed...but you know what? I was out of the house. So I didn't much care. But I just have to give a big shout-out to my post-pregnancy, currently-breastfeeding, whacked-out hormones for making me all out of sorts, cause doesn't everyone like to look gross on their first date of adult interaction in quite some time?? So the human heater baby may have contributed to the fact that I was burning up, or maybe it was the nerves, or the caffeine, or the fact that it's nearly 80 degrees in November, but I'll do as I usually do and just blame hormones.
We packed up our things (Sawyer's gazillion toys. And Sawyer.) and headed to our respective vehicles, and I knew that the ride home couldn't possibly go as smoothly as the one down. It just never happens that way. I made it about two minutes down the road before Sawyer was crying.
He was hungry. And so was I, but babies can't wait, so I pulled into a Chevron to feed him. I pulled up my shirt, only to realize that I had never even buckled back my nursing bra after feeding him the last time. Which means I sat through the entire coffee chat with Miranda sans-support. Just some flaps hanging wide open. Again, I didn't get too embarrassed, cause I was still not only out of the house, but hyped up on caffeine!
I got Sawyer buckled up again and we were on our way. Less than a minute later, he was crying. He had just been changed and fed after waking from a nap, so all that was left was that he wanted to see a human face. I don't know about you, but I HATE my babies to be crying at all, especially that helpless cry when they feel abandoned in the back seat. Luckily, Sawyer usually sees his sisters back there, but this time they weren't there, and I felt awful. I turned on lights for him. I sang "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," which is usually my go-to song for him. I did The Reach.
You know The Reach, yes? When you are driving with one arm while reaching behind you to try to bounce the car seat the less-than-a-centimeter it will budge in hopes of calming the baby? I was doing The Reach (which wasn't working, by the way) when I realized that I couldn't be the best driver that way. And luckily about that time I realized that I was already at the red light in front of my house. I kept up with the singing, and he stopped, of course, as we turned into the neighborhood.
And so I returned home to two girls who acted like I was gone for ages (I love that.), still hot and sweaty and still with my nursing bra flaps open (yeah, so it turns out I'm not great at remembering to fasten those...). I made some dinner, and I felt relaxed for a few minutes.
I realize that "me time" can be extremely beneficial to the psyche, and even though this was kind of a first attempt at it, I enjoyed it without much guilt of leaving the girls, which is progress. Once I can fully learn that moms are better when they're refreshed and fulfilled, I think I'll be all set. And then maybe I'll learn to start fastening my bra.