Happy 1st Birthday, Baby Boy

Dear Sawyer,
Today you turn a year old.  My sweet, chunky, cuddly, smiling baby is already turning into a big boy.  I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little bit sad about that.  I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I want to freeze this moment, keep you just like this.

I love that you only have two teeth, one on top and one on bottom, and that you crinkle up your nose in a silly sort of smile to show them off.  I love that your hair is just starting to grow and that it's so light that you still look bald.  I love that your hands and face and clothes and hair are usually sporting remnants of whatever food you were testing out at the last meal.  I love that you play with my rings while you're nursing, curled up in my lap in your chair, and I love holding you after you've fallen asleep and watching your angel eyes flutter as you settle.

These baby moments are fleeting.

You keep showing me that you're growing up.  I am proud of you.  I really am, no matter how bittersweet it is to admit that you're not that tiny bundle I pulled up onto my chest and kissed for the first time a year ago.

At a year old, you're becoming a chatterbox just like your big sisters.  You are saying more and more words every day.
"All done.  Uh-oh.  Mama.  Dada.  Ball ball.  Cup.  Sista.  Weee!  Dancin'.  Pappaw.  Pop.  Up.  Minn-uh (for Minnie and Mickey).  Choo-choo.  Mmmm.  Dog.  Cat.  Thank you.  Hi.  Hey.  Bye bye.  Whassat (what's that)?  This.  Yay!  Oh.  Whoa.  Wow.  Duck.  Clap.  Baby."
There are more that don't spring to mind right now, and we are in awe when you attempt to repeat even the most difficult of words.  It's impressive.  You also do a mean quack and growl.

Last week, you took your first steps.  You walked to me, and I beamed because I knew you put forth a lot of effort to get to your Mommy.  I'm a little happy that you're still unsure about walking and refuse to do more than a couple of steps at a time.  For a little while, at least, I get to see your silly "gorilla crawl"--your on-all-fours mode of transportation.  You are so adept at it.  And I love to see your little booty stuck up in the air as you speed across the room.

You have a way of making everyone so happy.  We can't help but smile when you dance and clap and laugh.  You have always been so sweet, so calm, and so full of love.

When you were born, I was filled with such a sense of power and pride, and those feelings have not ended.  I am proud to be your Mommy.  I am amazed at how you made our family feel whole, like you were missing all along, the third sparkle in my eye.  You bring joy to us all, and you are loved beyond what you will ever be able to comprehend.

My Mommy's Boy. 
Happy birthday, love.
I hope your day and your life are filled with as much happiness as you bring to all of us.

Love,
Mom

To Brynn, Age Three

Dear Brynn,
Three years.  I cannot believe you have been in our lives three years!  It seems like yesterday that you decided to make your entrance to this world three weeks early, just so you could surprise me and be born on my birthday.  I ate my cake in the hospital room and stared at your beautiful chubby cheeks and long brown hair.

Oh, that hair!  When your sister first saw you, the first thing she said was, "That baby's got a lot of hair!"  It fits your personality so well!  Wild curls like yours are for free spirits.

We had some interesting phases with you as a baby.  Colic.  Reflux.  Screaming just to hear yourself scream, happy or sad.
(Not much has changed about that last one.)

But I could feel you loving us right from the start, and every moment you've ever been happy, you have been positively blissful. When you turned six months old, all the fussing stopped, and your real personality began.

I have always loved that intensity about you.  You cry wholeheartedly, and you laugh with every fiber of your being.  When you give hugs, you grab us around the neck and hold so tightly I think you'll never let go.  But you do let go, mostly because you don't want to be still.

You are my energetic girl, running and giggling, curls trailing behind you.  Making funny faces, jumping on the bed (my little monkey), splashing water out of the sinks, laughing loudly, trying any excuse not to wear clothes.  You're a girl who likes her freedom, for sure.  And we're going to have to discuss that before you're much older.  ;-)

You've always been a constant eater, so much so that it's almost humorous!  When you were a baby, you'd nurse for long periods of time and very often.  Now, you want to graze all the time...peanut butter and honey sandwiches, pickles, celery, apples, and parfaits are your favorites, and when you visit grandparents, you go straight for the popsicles and chips.  I don't know where you put all this food, you're so tall and skinny!

At three, you are turning into such an interesting, empathetic, creative person.  You're getting better at sharing things, and you love to play with your best friend, your sister.  When Sawyer cries, you sing him "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," and he calms down almost immediately.  You've always needed time to yourself, and I often find you carrying an armload of princess or animal figures to a corner to play.  I love to listen to the conversations you make them have in your not-quite-perfect three-year-old voice.  And my heart melts when you tell me, "I wuv you, Mommy."

I wuv you, too, Miss Brynn.  You are such a sweet girl, and you make everyone around you feel so joyful and alive.  I am amazed by your beauty and your pure spirit.  Thank you for being my unique and perfect Brynnie.

Love, Mom

The Day Our Lives Began

Dear Julia,

Today you turned five years old.  You are so excited to be five, but already you've told us you just want to stay five forever.  Trust me, sweet girl, I wish I could freeze this moment, too.

Five years ago at this time, I was sitting in the hospital room, nursing you constantly, and staring at you for hours on end.  I could not believe that you had just come out of me.  You were so perfect and so beautiful.  I watched your daddy change your first diaper and saw you try to hold your head up right from the start.  You've always been precocious.

I had never known love like I felt the moment I first saw you.  You were a surprise baby, and you were the best surprise your daddy and I have ever had.  The moment we became parents was the moment that we became a family instead of just a couple.  The bond that your birth started has just gotten stronger as we've added more siblings, but you started it all.  Before you were born, life had no real purpose; as soon as we met, I knew my purpose in life was to be the best mommy I could be and give you back all the love you make me feel.

I was so nervous when I was learning to be a mom.  I laugh now thinking about how scared I was to give you a bath, how I anguished over dressing you, and whether you were getting enough food.  Or sleep.  Or tummy time.  I must have done something right, because you are simply wonderful.

I want to remember forever that you were just like this at age five:

As a big five year old, you love to read.  You started reading small books when you were three, and now you're up to chapter books.  The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is what you're reading to us at night right now, and we've decided to throw a Pooh party when you finish it.  I love that you take the time to read to your sister and brother, and books are constantly scattered around our house because you read so many of them a day!

Your favorite movies are any of the Disney Princess movies (sing-a-longs or films), Gumby: The Movie, Muzzy, and all Strawberry Shortcake films.  You watch "Yo Gabba Gabba!" with Brynn and you sing and dance together.  You also enjoy any of the shows on PBS Kids ("Dinosaur Train," "Sid the Science Kid," "Word World").

At night, you listen to The Magic Tree House books on CD, and you have about a million of them!

Playtime for you usually includes Princess figures and your toy Cinderella's Castle.  You come up with elaborate stories for them, and you shout, "Dreams come true!  Dreams come true!," just like you saw them do at Disney World.  One of your scenarios includes every character bringing a gift to the one having a birthday or getting married.  And there are hundreds of them.  You are very dedicated and will not allow us to clean up the mess until you are finished, which sometimes takes days.  Most of my time is spent trying to pick up your figures so I don't step on them.

For Christmas, you got a pink Barbie house, which is another toy getting thrown into the rotation.  You have decided to name your Ken dolls Speeder, John Handsome, and Nickel.  I've only heard one Barbie have a name, and that was Sylvia.

You play Wii games with your dad, and you both yell at the screen, though you have no idea what you're yelling or what it means--you just want to be like him.  Games are some of your favorite things.  We've played Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, Pretty Pretty Princess, Tic-Tac-Toe, and more.  However, you're infamous for scattering pieces all over the house, so we rarely have all the parts we need to play!  Recently, you've started playing Scrabble with us in a modified way.  And you win, because you're definitely a better speller than we are.  Or at least better than your dad, for sure.

I keep thinking that you're growing out of the dress-up phase, but then you see Brynn dressing up and your interest is high again.  The two of you play together and fight together.  I enjoy watching you girls play your made-up games (like "Gifts" and "Princess Party") that have rules only the two of you understand.  And you love your baby brother so much, too.  You're constantly telling him, "I'm right here, buddy.  It's okay, I'm right here."  He calms down when you talk to him or rub his head.  Since he was born, you've spent hours reading him books and giving him toys.  You're such a big help to me.

When you grow up, you say you want to be a chef, a nature photographer, a veterinarian, a doctor, a teacher, a scientist, and a dancer.  You spend lots of time cooking, taking pictures, exploring, experimenting, and dancing, so I have no doubt that you could do all of those things.

You're in a phase of making up jokes, too...except that the punchline is almost always, "Because he was eating beans!!!"  And then, there's your famous one of, "Why did the flower die in the spring?  Because he wasn't a flower at all; he was candy!" 

Uhm...you might might want to work on those.  Not sure you're quite getting the concept of a joke.  And you're funny enough without trying.

You give us so much joy and make us laugh all the time. 

"Reach for the stars, but watch your head!"

"God said, 'Wake up and eat marshmallows.' And we woke up and ate them.  And it was good."

"Oh, really?  I just moved here  from Botswana!"

Pineapple pizza, celery, carrots, apples, peanut butter sandwiches, and chicken nuggets are foods I can always get you to eat. I still water down your juice, but you remind me that you don't want to drink much of it because it has sugar...though you don't seem to mind sugar in the form of candy or cake.

You're a wonderful artist, and your various drawings (especially of rainbows) cover our fridge, art display board, and walls.

I want to remember you as you are at this moment, but I am also excited to watch you grow and accomplish all the things I know you will.  You are kind, funny, thoughtful, compassionate, creative, and determined.  You are the most precious five year old I know.

When all this ice and snow melts, we'll have a Strawberry Shortcake birthday party for you on Sunday, and everyone there will love you and tell you that these five years with us has been the best five years of their lives, just like they have been for your daddy and me.  May you have many, many more years of living life to the fullest.  I am proud to have given birth to you, and I will spend my life in awe of all that you are.

I love you more than you'll ever know.

Love,

Mom

A Letter to My Son at 6 Months Old

**The main reason I started this blog a couple of months ago was so it could act as a written account of the lives of my children.  It's a baby book of sorts, and I hope that one day they can sit and read about the things they used to say and do and see pictures of their cuteness.  Most of all, I want them to know their mom loves them.
This is an entry for Sawyer to document his life at six months old.**

Dear Sawyer,

I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant with you that you were a boy.  I'm not sure if it was a gut feeling, a mother's intuition, or just a sincere longing, but I knew.  We kept your pregnancy a secret for three months, and I spent hours of that time rubbing my belly and talking to the baby I knew would be my "Mommy's Boy."  In February 2010, we went for an ultrasound that confirmed what I already knew--you'd be our first boy.  While we were in the midwife's office, it started snowing.  Since it hardly ever snows here, I took it as a sign that something soft and pure, perfect and unique would soon be coming into our lives.  I knew I'd never forget that moment.

Your birth in July was so calm and full of so much love.  It's almost as if you didn't want to make much trouble for me, and I went through most of labor with only a bad tummyache and pushed you out within two minutes.  I reached down and delivered you myself, pulling you up onto my chest.  Perfection.


Going to be weighed. 8lbs 8 oz



My Old Soul, 1 Day Old

That's still your personality--calm, not wanting to make much of a fuss.

You began to nurse immediately, and you really haven't stopped since.  You turned six months old yesterday, and all 21 pounds of you has been grown only with breastfeeding.  I am proud of you for that.  I'm proud of both of us.  No bottles, no solid food, just Mommy.  You're bigger than lots of babies and have been wearing 9 month sized clothing for a month now.   You wear Blueberry cloth diapers on the largest setting and FuzziBunz in size medium.

Sweet boy, you have had us smiling from the beginning.  When you were first born, you whimpered like a puppy when you were sleeping, and we'd watch you and listen to you instead of sleeping ourselves.  At first, you would nap in a Pack-n-Play cradle and sleep at night with us.  You started rolling over from your back to your belly at about two months old, so the cradle had to go.  From then on, it was just our big bed for you, until a few days ago.  We decided that leaving you on the bed is now too dangerous because you're so roly-poly, so we bought you a crib and placed it beside our bed.  Now you nap there, and sleep at night in our bed with us.  I love cuddling with you all night.  You always want to be touching me in some way, whether it's nursing or curling up your feet and putting them on my leg.  And honestly?  I want that, too.

One day you'll have a room of your own, I promise.  But for now, I nurse you and rock you to sleep every single time.  I know that the time you'll allow me to do this is fleeting, and I love watching your still-baby-grey eyes getting heavy as you drift off, then gently placing you next to me to rest.

At half a year old, you already love to play.  Taggie blankets are a favorite, mostly because you love anything you can put in your mouth!  You love to chew on the one my friend Miranda made for you, as well as one shaped like a starfish that your sisters didn't enjoy and passed on to you.  We have to keep a supply of cold teethers ("colds," as your sisters call them) for you to gnaw on, too.  So far, no teeth.  And I'm pretty grateful for that.  So far, no sickness, either, unless you count the runny nose you had on Christmas, and I don't count that since it was gone in a day and didn't bother you.

As far as other toys, you've got a fascination with Tiggers (Is it the bold colors?  Or the tail?) and dressed as Tigger for Halloween, along with both of your sisters.

If it has lights and makes music, chances are it's a toy you love.  For Christmas, Santa brought you a tool bench that does both things; he must have known that our house is filled with princess toys and that you needed something a little more manly.  We had our first white Christmas in decades, and I just knew it was for you.  Again, it made me realize how pure and perfect you are, and as I'm writing this to mark six months of your life, I'm waiting for it to start snowing again.

We put you on a blanket in the floor with several toys, and immediately you flip onto your belly, where you raise yourself up high on your hands and look around.  You can flip back over to your back, but you hate to do it (too fast a motion, maybe) and will fuss until I turn you over or until you give up and just do it yourself.

You are the third baby to use the toy chair that you adore, even though it's lost lots of the toys through the years.  You're so curious about how everything works, and you love getting to stand up in it.

You're so curious about the world, in fact, that you have always wanted to face outward when in a baby carrier so you can see what's going on.

If I'm rocking you in a chair, you want to sit facing outward, as well.  The only time you want to be cradled like a baby is when you're nursing; otherwise, I think you are afraid you'll fall asleep and miss something.  And as for sitting?  You learned to do that on your own this week.  You can sit for about 30 seconds to a minute before toppling over and moving on to play some more.

You're growing up so fast.  Sometimes I swear it sounds like you're saying, "Yeah," and "Hey."  You can chatter away with everyone, and smile and laugh like you're following every conversation.  Peek-a-Boo makes you laugh because you giggle every time you get scared.  And then you try to scare people with your grunting and blowing raspberries!   I am usually covered in your slobbery kisses, drool, and spit-up, and I don't mind one bit.  Your sisters adore you and will sing to you and play games with you often.  Julia wants to take care of you and make you happy.  When you fuss, she says, "It's okay, Sawyer, I'm right here," and you calm down.  She reads you books and will sing your favorite song, "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," which almost always makes you relaxed.  Brynn is only two, so she can't do as much for you, but she constantly brings me blankets that she says are yours and wants me to give them to you.  She'll rub your almost-bald head (which Julia says looks "just like a peach") and is very interested in what you're all about.
I've never met such a content baby.  And that's not just me being a proud mom--it's what everyone says.  Your grandparents are all especially smitten. You have everyone you meet wrapped around your chubby little finger and people comment to me often about how sweet and calm and happy you are.
And you ARE all those things.
People can pass you around and carry you like a sack of potatoes, and you just enjoy the ride.  And I enjoy that no matter how much fun you're having with someone else, you always look for me and give me a big slobbery grin when you realize I haven't gone anywhere.  I'm right there with you.  Always.

I know that people think babies can't do much in the first six months after being born, but they are wrong.

You're the first grandson and great-grandson in our huge family to carry on the family name.

You've helped my heart grow even bigger to make room for enough love for three kids, and each time I see you smile, it grows even more.

In six short months, you've managed to fill the hole of what was missing in our family and make us more complete.  We all love you more than we could have ever imagined, and we can feel your love for us.

Thank you for blessing us.

Love,

Mommy